Mug Punter Morris, still smiling after taking William Hill to the cleaners last week, looks ahead to the weekend's fixtures and picks out his top tips.

‘Investing to win a better future'

A winner. A bet based on gut feeling more than investigation. Arsenal to beat Man Utd. I think I might be onto something here. Throw all form out the window, put on a blindfold and stagger into the bookies, bumble around for 10 minutes trying to find the football section, offend several fellow punters with your wandering hands, and then pick out a random selection. You may think this is a scheme of lunacy but given the fact I also tipped up a treble involving West Ham, Aston Villa, and Hull last weekend with ALL 3 getting beaten at home, at short odds I hasten to add, then form clearly counts for sod all...well at least it doesn't when I'm having a bet.

Mug Punter Morris looks ahead to tomorrow's lunchtime showdown and has a sneaky feeling that Arsenal will nick it.

Mug Punter Morris looks ahead to the weekend's Premier League programme and tries to decipher where his wins will come from.

'INVESTING IN A BETTER FUTURE'

They say ''sorry always seems to be the hardest word''. Nonsense. I can list at least 3 words that are harder...triskadekophobia, paraphernalia, and err...what's that dinosaur called, oh yeah, diplodocus. Easy. Obviously a deliberate misinterpretation of the phrase on my part just to show you some of the big words I've got stored in my locker, coagulation, but anyway my point being sorry is not hard to say, unless of course you happen to be someone who retains some degree of pride, dignity, or even that old friend of mine that left me long ago, intelligence.

Mug Punter Morris looks ahead to a weekend of Premier League action and where his smart money will be going.

As my granny once so eloquently put it to me ''put your money where your mouth is you two bob slag merchant.'' An angry response directed at me due to looking down her lottery picks and saying ''just don't see 'em coming in gran.'' I personally reasoned this to be a fair enough assumption on my part, even went as far to explain the rough odds of 14 million to 1 through the means of multiplication. She took this as a personal insult, like I was saying the specific numbers she had chosen were poor choices...''no gran not your actual numbers, and I'm not saying I could do any better, any combination of 6 is around 14 million to 1 to come in. Ok forget it, forget it...want a drop of cyanide in your tea?'' Her response being, ''It's a bit early in the morning for drinking.'' Christ almighty...why bother.

Mug Punter Morris once again adds a welcome contribution to the William Hill funds